Logic’s roving red eye gazed around his domain. As the entity representing all that followed logical rules, he was obligated -one might even say obsessed with- destroying all illogical things. Logic was a cold, emotionless creature, caring none for what happened to the realms he tampered with. His existence was only to fulfill his purpose of establishing the rules of logic. Nothing more, nothing less. He fulfilled his purpose as often as he could. It was a constant job. Once he had purged a dimension of all its illogicality, he would have to bind it to his will and prevent any instance of illogicality from ever arising again. He wondered blankly why Authors even created such dimensions anyway. Could it be that they, too were fulfilling their purpose? If Logic had had nostrils, he might have snorted. It was, obviously, a pretty pathetic purpose compared to his own. It made more work for him, at any rate. Not that he actually had to work that hard at it. He enjoyed, or at least got some sense of fulfillment, out of logic-spreading. He didn’t even really need to focus, as he simply sent off a tendril of his essence to any given universe. The new Logic budded off the original almost like an amoeba or virus splitting in half. But metaphors were wasted on Logic. He cared nothing for creativity, only for accomplishing his purpose. And in this world, his purpose had most assuredly been accomplished. The natives to this realm had tried to resist his power, but that was a most foolish thing to do. It was more or less impossible to go against Logic. And so, the natives were now faced with the task of living without their precious illogicality. They were, of course, far better off for it. He decided to take a good look around. One ability Logic enjoyed was his power of deduction. By examining the logical interactions between everything in existence, he was able to understand anything about anything in any given dimension in a matter of seconds, giving him an omniscience of sorts. Everything was in its proper place. no instances of being in two places at once, no instances of powers beyond the biological scope, and above all, no instant healing. That happened to be something that had been bothering him here for quite some time. Suddenly, Logic froze. A pathway had been opened to him that had been sealed before. It was common among Authors to put up a mental block against him, partially to prevent him from tweaking their creations, but mostly because he defined their powers as illogical. Some of them even did it subconsciously. But very seldom did they let down their guard. He relished the opportunity whenever it arose. Logic split himself, as he had done so many times before, and sent a tendril of himself in the direction of the unsealed dimension. Before long, he began to comprehend it. It was a peaceful dimension, similar to other Megaman-prominent realms in many respects, and the main character was a pokemorph (possibly questionable) known as Wisest Pikachu, who often hung out with a human named Ben and a robot named Mangaman. Logic received a great surge of anticipation. They were all Authors. He began looking for illogicalities, and found one right away. The most well-known of the authors, the pokemorph, was currently in two places at once, the first being inside an evildoer’s fortress (mental note: check his illogicality later), and the second, in another fortress, trying to comprehend an explanation given by the small blue creature, Megaman. Megaman pointed out to the Pikachu the exact same point Logic was formulating now, (no biological person can be in two places at once) and Logic proceeded to eradicate the duplicate. “Arrrgh!” Wisest Pikachu whined. “Curse you, logic! Why did you even come into this comic, anyways? I’ve never liked you, logic!” Logic ignored the rapidly disappearing duplicate’s rants and raves. He would have to keep an eye on this creature, to make sure there were no more instances of illogicality from him. It turned out that the actual Wisest Pikachu was currently being held in a special force field, designed to subdue his Authorly powers. But as Logic pondered this, he realized that it was highly illogical. There appeared to be nothing special about this force field after all. There were no special crystals or any other devices that could tamper with an Author’s powers. In fact, the force field seemed to be Anti-Author only because....well, because everyone said it was. Very illogical, indeed. So Logic removed the field’s special qualities, and turned it into an ordinary force field, which was logical enough for the time being. Wisest Pikachu, who had been constantly trying to break out of the force field, suddenly found he could, and quickly removed the obstruction. Everyone who had been trapped in there turned to face the dark blue robot, Mangaman, who was standing over by the control system. “Huh? I didn’t do anything,” Mangaman said, confused. He addressed the pink mustachioed blob on top of the control panel. “Alfred, did you deactivate the field? “Nope,” Alfred replied. “I can’t figure out the controls.” “That would mean that Wisest Pikachu freed them,” Mangaman mused. “But I thought that field nullified his powers....WP? Slowly, everyone turned to look at Wisest Pikachu, who was standing over in the corner, looking very sheepish, and came to the conclusion that the force field never actually had any powers at all, and WP had just been faking it. This was true in a sense, because Logic had eradicated those powers, but the Author had been genuinely balked. It was so much easier to draw logical conclusions, Logic remarked to himself, when you had all the evidence. Abruptly, Logic received a disturbing revelation: He had completely forgotten about getting rid of the Author powers! It was too late to fully erase his mistake, but Logic hastily removed all Authorly abilities from the area. Meanwhile, Wisest Pikachu was running franticly from a mob of angry characters, who were shooting at him for putting them through all that hassle. WP made no attempt to disillusion them, shouting: “But it was so good for the ratings! They wanted to see the fights! If I freed them, my ratings....Stay away! Don’t kill me!” Frankly, Logic doubted any of them would ever fully comprehend what was going on. The mob finally caught up to Wisest Pikachu, and, after beating him up for their indignity, wandered off to go watch anime. Only the robot Mangaman stayed behind. “Good to see you, WP,” he remarked. “Owwwww.....” “Comic going good?” “Moaaaaaan....” “Anything interesting happen?” “Groan...” “You’re a horrible conversationist.” “I hate all of you SO much,” WP said savagely. There was a pause. Then finally, Wisest Pikachu said, “I have a problem, Mangaman.” “You’ve been beaten to a bloody pulp?” Mangaman suggested. “Other than that. I can’t think of a new storyline for the comic. If that happens, ratings will drop and...” “Wait a minute, let me heal you before we talk about this,” Mangaman interjected hastily. Wisest Pikachu snapped, “I have Author powers, I can heal myself.” “Yeah, but you aren’t using them....”Mangaman trailed off. “Hmmm...I can’t. My Author powers aren’t working.” Logic decided it was time that he did something to stop everyone from stating the obvious, and revealed himself to the duo. “I have decided that Author powers are illogical and must be eradicated,” he explained. “It is foolish to not follow Logic.” “Who are you?” Mangaman demanded. “Logic,” Logic replied simply. “Do you always speak about yourself in the third person?” Before Logic could answer, WP, who had finally gotten back onto his weary feet, shouted, “This is great!” ”What? We no longer have ultimate power!” Mangaman retorted. “How is this ‘great’?” “Well, we have a storyline now and ratings will stay up!” Mangaman sighed. “I think you need to work on your priorities. Besides, haven’t you checked the ratings lately?” “No. Let me check.” “You can’t magically check out ratings,” Logic said patiently. “It’s illogical.” “Then what am I supposed to do?” moaned Wisest Pikachu. Finally he decided to just walk back to his secret lab, an imposing grey building, all the while complaining, “I’m injured, you know. This much walking hurts.” “Well, biological beings aren’t able to teleport,” Logic reminded him. WP gave him a dirty look, but went on. “In any case, I can check the ratings now.” He glanced toward the nearby computer terminal and gasped. “Zero!? Zero hits!?” he screeched. “Why? You better tell me why before I smite you!” “Biological beings able to smite is illo-” Logic began. “SHUT UP!” Logic obliged. Mangaman answered Wisest Pikachu’s question. “Well you see, the connection to the Internet was broken, so we haven’t actually had ratings for about a month now. It’s fixed now, though.” “How do you know?” “Easy. How else can that person outside that screen be seeing this?” “Oh, right.” Logic wondered if that could be classified as illogical, but decided that perhaps it was not. It could just be an illogicality in their heads. If only their thoughts were illogical, then Logic, could do nothing about that. He was limited to only spreading physical logic, which was one of his shortcomings. “Ratings aside,” Mangaman continued, “shouldn’t we figure out how to get our powers back?” “I could summon MechaMewtwo and blast him into oblivion!” Wisest Pikachu suggested excitedly. “No, ” said Mangaman exasperatedly. “We lost our powers, remember?” “Oh, yeah. How about I use Control-X and simply delete him?” For a long, tense moment, Mangaman stared at Wisest Pikachu, the veins on his temples twitching. “But...we....Shut up. Just shut up.” “What’d I say?” Logic made mental note that Wisest Pikachu was somewhat of a simpleton. “So you’re saying I can’t use any of my powers?” asked WP after a while, finally getting it. “Right,” said Mangaman, relieved. “But I’ve always had my powers!” Wisest Pikachu protested. “I don’t know how to do anything without them!” “Okay, let’s stay calm and think,” Mangaman cautioned. WP was unable to follow his advice. He ran from the room, screaming, “I can’t take it! AHHHHHHHHHH! Great lumps of gravy! Exploding sock puppet! AHHHHHHHHH!” “Does he usually handle stress this well?” asked Logic dryly. “Actually, this is better than normal,” admitted Mangaman. He waited for a while, thinking about the current situation. “Well, I’m sorry, Logic,” he said finally, “but I have to destroy you. You make things too strange around here, or at least not normal.” “You can’t destroy Logic!” Logic sighed as Mangaman raised his blaster. “It’s illogical...” There was a burst of red light and Logic disappeared. “Ha! Showed you!” Mangaman cheered. Logic simply regrouped as two different tendrils. The fool obviously didn’t understand the rules. “Well, poo!” Mangaman said dejectedly. Suddenly he seemed to realize that such an immortal creature was guaranteed to be a deadly opponent. “Don’t hurt me!” “Logic doesn’t hurt anyone. Their illogical decisions hurt them,” Logic explained. “So you’re not going to hurt me?” Mangaman inquired. “Affirmative.” Mangaman stopped cowering and looked up at Logic. “Well, that’s that, right?” he said somewhat apologetically. Logic didn’t completely understand his meaning. “I guess.” Mangaman sighed. “Well, I guess we’ll have to cancel the comic. With logic in control, we can’t really go on wacky and hilarious high-jinks." “WHAT!?” yelled Wisest Pikachu, running back in looking more hysterical than ever. “No way am I going to give up on my comic! What about the fans?! What about the fame?! What about the raw power of being an Author coursing through our bodies?! The adoring fans who would become an army to help me take over the real world?!” “You made the comic to build an army to fight for you?” Mangaman asked. “WHAT?! LIES! Who told you this?!” WP denied. “You did.” “WHAT?! LIES! I never said that!” “Yes, you did.” “Oh shoot,” Wisest Pikachu muttered. He was quick to change the subject. “In any case, we need to throw logic out of my comic. And I know just how to do it! Wisest Pikachu, Thunder!” Wisest Pikachu obeyed his own command and shot a bolt of lightning into the sky. It returned as a brilliant, spiraling, fiery blast. Once again Logic disappeared, and once again he reappeared, this time as four separate facets. “Oh, poo,” WP said, gritting his teeth. “That’s what I said,” Mangaman commented. Wisest Pikachu perked up. “Ooh, Déjà vu!” Suddenly both Authors vanished. Logic gaped. Or would have, had he a mouth. This was a display of sheer illogicality. He would have to investigate this. In due course he got to the root of the matter. The two were hanging out in White Space, an Author-made dimension that he had never quite been able to get rid of, for some reason. But he could easily take Authors out of it, if he chose. “WP, how did you pull of an attack like that without using Author powers?” Mangaman was asking. “Well, I am a Pikachu,” Wisest Pikachu replied. “An extremely powerful Pikachu. I must have faced the Elite Four like, 500 times.” “Pikachu’s Thunder can become that powerful?” “Humanoid Pikachus can get that powerful.” “Aren’t you the only humanoid Pikachu?” Mangaman interjected. “Actually, there’s another at Serebii.net.” “ I notice you’re healed now.” “Yup, gotta love Author-made White Space.” Logic decided that was his cue. “What did I say about Author Powers?” he reminded them. “Author Powers are illogical. Illogical things do not exist. Author Powers are do not exist.” Logic pulled them out of White Space and brought them back to the lab. “Sheesh,” Mangaman grumbled. “We were trying to explain stuff to the readers.” “Partypooper.” WP added. “Well, apparently we can’t destroy them using our fighting skills.” “See? Like this, the comic is boring.” Mangaman said. He did indeed look somewhat bored. Logic was starting to feel the same way. Proud of his achievement here, yes, but bored of the current conversation. “We should just cancel it.” “Never!” Wisest Pikachu yelled. “I’m sure something will make for an interesting story.” “Like what?” Mangaman asked skeptically. “You!” WP said, glaring directly at the four facets of Logic now assembled. “How did you come here in the first place?” “WP! You’re a genius!” Mangaman cheered. “They have to obey anything, so long as the request follows Logic. By learning how they came here, we might learn how to get rid of them!” Logic personally agreed it was a good idea. It was a very logical thing to try in their situation. Foolish, and impossible, but logical. “What are you talking about?” Wisest Pikachu demanded. “Didn’t you ask them their backstory to learn that?” asked Mangaman, confused. “Um....Yeah! ‘Cause I’m a genius! “It was for ratings, wasn’t it?” “Shut up.” “If you’d let me speak...” Logic (all four of him) began, “recall that way back when Wisest Pikachu was kidnapped by Dr. Wily, Wily erected an Anti-Author Force Field so WP couldn’t use his powers and escape.” “Wait a second,” WP interrupted. “I was able to use my powers and stop the force field. How is that Anti-Author?” “There wasn’t an Anti-Author Field,” Logic said smugly. “But you just said....” “There was an Anti-Author Field,” Logic said, just as smugly. “But there couldn’t be,” Wisest Pikachu argued. “I used my powers.” “That’s cause I was there,” Logic replied. “That doesn’t make sense.” “Yes it does,” Logic countered. In his business, everything made sense. “How?!” WP insisted. “Anti-Author Fields are illogical, so I got rid of it. Then it was a regular force field.” “Well, that explains it,” said Wisest Pikachu, satisfied. “How?” Mangaman countered. “Why was it there in the first place if it was already illogical?” “Ooh! I know!” WP chuckled. “Cause I like illogicalcy!” “That’s not even a real word!” “Of course not! Real words are logical, something I abhor!” Disgusted at the Author’s oughtright display of illogicality, Logic went on. “Well, WP is right about himself not liking logic. In fact, that created a subconscious desire to block logic from entering the comic. When the Anti-Author Field turned on, WP's subconscious block was lifted, allowing logic to enter the comic. When Logic entered the comic, it found Anti-Author Fields to be illogical, and got rid of it. Allowing WP to use his powers to escape.” “ But didn’t you say that Author Powers are illogical?” Mangaman asked. “Yes, but I didn’t know that then. When I saw WP use his powers, I found them to be illogical and got rid of them.” “But....” Wisest Pikachu mused, “if you stopped the Anti-Author Field, wouldn’t my subconscious-thingy allow me to push you away again?” “No, because I found Author Powers to be illogical,” Logic replied. “But if the Powers are illogical, how could they stop logic, which according to you, eradicates illogical things?” Mangaman demanded. “Because Logic wasn’t there to deem them illogical and eradicate them,” said Logic, getting into the feel of the debate. “But only logical things can stop Logic, since to Logic, illogical things don’t exist. Doesn’t that make our Powers logical?” “No, because in a place without Logic, all things are logical, including illogical things.” Oh, he was enjoying this! “That’s a paradox,” Mangaman argued. “You just said that in a place without Logic, all things are logical. If it’s without Logic, wouldn’t everything be illogical?” “No, because some things were indeed logical within this world.” “But some things were illogical as well.” “Yes,” Logic agreed, “but they worked in the illogical space, making them logical.” “Okay, but if the Anti-Author Field was illogical, how could it have blocked WP's powers to let you in? Your mere pretense would cause the Anti-Author Field to fail, restoring Author powers which would then block you.” “Well, anything illogical is logical in a realm without Logic,” Logic repeated, “so the field worked.” “That doesn’t make any sense,” Mangaman argued. “This whole explanation is illogical!” “No it’s not,” Logic countered, “because if it was illogical, Logic would have eradicated it.” “Will you two stop talking?” interjected Wisest Pikachu. “My head hurts.” “That’s cause you’re stupid,” added Mangaman. “Shut up.” “Listen,” Mangaman insisted. “Do illogical things exist?” “Of course not,” Logic replied. “The world is based upon orders and rules.” Which was, of course, the ultimate truth. “And Wisest Pikachu used his Author powers to prevent you from entering here.” “Correct,” the Logics agreed. “But,” Mangaman went on, “Author Powers are illogical, right?” “Yes.” “So they don’t exist, right?” “Yep.” “So how did something that doesn’t exist stop you from entering?” “Yes!” Wisest Pikachu shouted gleefully. “What?!” Mangaman yelled. “I’m talking to Logic here, not you!” “You’re playing Twenty Questions, right?” asked WP. “Wha?! No, just no. Besides, yes isn’t even a correct response to that question.” “Well, you were supposed to ask a yes or no question,” scolded Wisest Pikachu. “I said this isn’t Twenty Questions! Now you’re giving me a headache.” WP grinned. “That’s ‘cause you’re stupid.” “No, you’re the stupid one,” Mangaman muttered. He tried again. “Anyways... Logic, are Anti-Author Fields logical?” “Of course not,” Logic declared. “That’s why I got rid of it.” “But if only logical things exist in your mind, then what did you get rid of?” “The Anti-Author Field,” Logic replied. What was this creature playing at? “But you wouldn’t know about it unless it was logical,” said Mangaman craftily. “Doesn’t that make the Anti-Author Field logical, as well as Author Powers?” “Well, no, you see....” flubbed Logic, trying to come to a reasonable conclusion. “In fact,” Mangaman continued, “doesn’t that mean that the only reason Logic is here is because two illogicalities cancelled each other out? From a logical perspective, that is illogical. Therefore you must not really be here and must be a figment of our imaginations.” With a jolt, Logic realized that he was right. He had bashed a hole right through his logicality. And yet, Logic kept wondering if there were some way out of it, some way he could fix his mistakes. But he and the other three facets had committed the ultimate sin: getting caught in an illogicality. There was only one acceptable punishment for such a crime. The offending facets would have to destroy themselves. Vicious red sparks streamed out from the facets’ bodies. Chunks of metal shot toward the ceiling as Logic got caught up in the very act of tearing himself apart. “What?! This can’t be happening!” screamed Logic, hardly sure of what he was saying. “Curse you, Logic! I mean, curse you Illogic! No wait, that’s not right either.....” he babbled. “AHHHHHHH”! He was too caught up in his screaming to hear their replies. Then, quite suddenly, everything changed. Logic blinked. He was in a world of mysterious patterns of green and brown. The pain of his destruction had lessened, but was still there, gnawing away at his core like an itch he was unable to reach. He screwed up his eye. “No! I will not be destroyed by logic! I am Logic! Hey wait, I stopped speaking in the third person.” This was very uncharacteristic for him. Logic often tended to speak about himself as if he were a vague force rather than a being- though in some ways, he was. “Do you really wish to live?” came a strange voice from above. It was a deep, soothing voice, but behind that façade seemed to lurk suspicious promises and temptations. “I can save you...for a price.” “What price?” asked Logic, hoping against hope that there could be a way out of this. “You must work for me. In return, I’ll save you.” “I’ll do anything!” said Logic, desperate for a way to kill the pain that was slowly encompassing him. “It’s simple.” Was Logic wrong, or was there a slight sneer to the voice now? “Stop destroying illogical things. Then you will stop destroying yourself.” Logic had never even considered that. Mainly because it was against everything he had ever stood for. But at this point, he was desperate. “Now, my first order,” the voice continued. “Destroy the Authors!” Simple enough. “Fine,” said Logic. They just ruined my plans anyway. It’s time for payback.” For a few seconds, nothing happened. “It’s not working!” moaned Logic. “I’m still destroying myself !” “You’ve got to do it properly,” said the voice, sounding a bit impatient. “You’ve got to state that you renounce logic.” “I RENOUNCE YOU, LOGIC!” Logic cried. ** Meanwhile, Mangaman and Wisest Pikachu were watching the facets writhing on the floor. “He sure is taking his time exploding,” commented Mangaman. “Ah, let’s not worry about it,” said WP. “I mean, our Powers are back now, so everything’s fine.” ** The first sensation Logic felt was of being very weak. And naked, for that matter. He was on the floor, looking up into the eyes of Mangaman, who he’d always been able to look down on, before. It was strange to be touching the hard, cold floor. Logic wished he could be at a higher elevation, but perhaps that was the price to pay for denying logic. His deductive ability was gone too, though he still retained some memories of what he’d learned. But what was he going to do now, just roll around on the floor? As if in response to his query, a dollop of goo formed between Logic and the ground. His curiosity increased. Was he in control of the goo? He tried to make more, and succeeded. Pretty soon, Logic had shaped a fairly decent semblance of a humanoid form. As he did so, he caught snatches of a conversation: “....transforming into what seems to be a formidable opponent.” “It’s fine. Hakuna Matata!” “...listen, be serious! This is a problem! Stop, um, not worrying!” “Worrying will give you grey hair!” WP teased. “I’m a robot!” Mangaman argued. “So?” Logic suddenly realized that there was a glowing blaster pointed directly at his face. “Stop powering your blaster!” he cried. “How come?” said Mangaman, sounding disappointed. “Because before we fight, we need to do a long, drawn-out explanation of what just happened,” said Logic quickly. That would at least give him some time to think up a strategy. “Do we have to?” “Of course we do!” replied Wisest Pikachu. “Fine,” Mangaman muttered. “Go ahead. First, why are you still alive?” “I renounced logic, and in doing so, I stopped destroying myself,” Logic explained. “Makes sense,” Mangaman said thoughtfully. “So what’s your new name?” “It’s still Logic,” Logic said, for lack of a better answer. “Even though you don’t care about Logic anymore?” “Right,” Logic admitted. “That doesn’t make much sense,” Mangaman pointed out. “What does, in this comic?” “Good point. Okay, since when have you been able to do the jelly body thinga-majigger?” “Always,” said Logic, not completely sure of his facts. “It doesn’t seem to be a very logical thing to do...” Mangaman trailed off. “I don’t care about logic anymore,” Logic stressed. As he spoke, he wondered what his relations in the other dimensions thought about him now. Probably they were extremely disgusted with him. Somehow, though, the thought didn’t worry him as much as it might have. It was likely that the Authors had reinstated the mental block as soon as he had been defeated, thus permanently sealing Logic (the logical version) out of the comic. Pretty clever, actually. Mangaman’s voice interrupted Logic’s thoughts. “But that was back when you di...oh, nevermind. I guess I have one more question. What...” “Shock attack!” yelled a voice from behind. A stream of brilliant electricity leapt out from WP's hands and bombarded Logic’s left “arm”, tearing it in pieces. Oddly enough, he didn’t seem to feel any pain. But then, the goo wasn’t exactly attached to his mind. Or was it? “ ‘Of course we have to listen to him,’ you said! ” Mangaman screeched. “ ‘Don’t attack him,’ you said! Why’d you attack him then?!” “I got bored,” said Wisest Pikachu sheepishly. “He talked too long.” “You told him to talk!” “Not for that long!” “Um....we’re supposed to fight now, right?” asked Logic warily. He wasn’t sure how well he could fare against these two, since he was still new to using goo powers, but he figured if he was immune to pain, that was an advantage. “What fight?” asked WP. “We already defeated you!” “Ha!” said Logic, feeling in a mood to be quirky. “Tis’ merely a flesh wound!” “What are you talking about?” demanded Mangaman. “Where’s your arm?” “Right here.” “The other one?” “Here as well,” Logic said simply. “Then what’s that over there?” said Mangaman angrily, gesturing at what remained of Logic’s arm. “I’m telling you, it’s a flesh wound!” To demonstrate, Logic grew some more goo and shaped it into an arm with a loud squelching noise. He could have sworn somebody murmured “Regenerate!”, as well. “Okay, it is a flesh wound,” Mangaman agreed. “Actually, I don’t see any wound at all,” said Wisest Pikachu, suddenly donning a surgical mask and uniform. “Will you start being serious here?” “We don’t really need to be serious,” said WP as Logic turned toward him. “Nothing is really happening ye....Wha? Hey! Leggo!” For Logic had seized the pokemorph with his newly regrown arm. Wisest Pikachu made all sorts of grunting and moaning noises as Logic repeatedly bashed him against the nearest wall. How rude, thought Logic, grinning with his goop. Mangaman, on the other hand, was sitting back and enjoying the action, a can of soda in his hand. As Logic began coiling around WP in the hopes of a strangulation attack, the small pink blobby creature Logic had seen earlier entered the room. “Hey, Mangaman, what’s going o...” Alfred gasped. “Wisest Pikachu! What are you doing to master?! Let him go! Hey, listen to me!” “Shhhh...I’m trying to watch.” Mangaman murmured. “WP says everything is under control.” “Oh, that’s good.” “I really don’t believe him. But I don’t care. Say, you wanna bet on this? I say WP loses.” “You’re on!” “You lose,” said Mangaman smugly as Wisest Pikachu was catapulted towards the opposite wall. “Shoot.” Then Alfred suddenly realized what was going on, and marched (or at least slithered) over to where Logic was standing. “How dare you do that to master WP! Prepare to meet your DOOM!” He paused. “Aw, I was hoping for a flash of lightning and a crash of thunder to follow that.” Logic’s bewilderment increased. Were strange sounds and voices a regular part of this world? “Transform! ” Alfred continued. Abruptly, Alfred’s tiny form shifted and rippled until he was roughly the same size and shape as Logic, though his face (mustache and all) did not change, and Alfred retained the same pink hue. Logic was impressed. Apparently this little creature had powers of similar scope to his own. He would have to tread carefully. A voice seemed to say “DUN DUN DUN!”, and this time, Logic was sure he had not imagined it . “Oh sure, now the sound effect guy starts working!” Alfred sniffed. “Why didn’t you give me my dramatic thunder?” “Who are you?” said a new but unremarkable voice. Alfred sobbed. Meanwhile, Wisest Pikachu and Mangaman had set up a small desk with chairs and were facing a camera of some sort, declaring that this was their sports section. Apparently they were commenting on the match. “Well, Mangaman,” said WP, turning to his cohost, “the fans seem to think that Alfred and Logic have about the same abilities, making this an even match, or at least a very long one. Personally, I think the match will end shortly in an abrupt and funny manner.” “What makes you say that?” “Well, I kinda write these things” “Righto, WP!” Logic was barely listening. He was preoccupied with the pink and white streak hurtling toward him. Logic stretched his body as high and as thin as he could make it, and then angled to the side in the hopes of avoiding Alfred. It worked. Alfred missed completely and went hurtling in the direction of the computer terminal. He was just barely able to come to a screeching stop. Then Alfred tried a different tack and shot an arm at Logic. Caught by surprise, Logic was launched at the opposite wall, knocking over a few boxes and crates in his way. Woozily, Logic got up and saw another tongue of Alfred heading straight toward him. But this time he was ready. Logic fired his own arm at the pink blob, and caught it. Alfred’s matter felt squishy, like his own goop, but somehow more solid and membranous. But that was unimportant. Logic tugged on the limb, managing to pull Alfred into his grasp. Then Logic quickly spun around and then tossed the pink blob at the nearest wall. Where he promptly splattered. Logic was dumbfounded. Apparently there were more differences between him and Alfred than he had realized. Slowly, looking almost pained, the pieces of Alfred began to cluster together once again, and eventually reshaped themselves into Logic’s semblance. The commentators seemed to find this interesting. “I just realized this isn’t a battle of equals, Megaman,” said WP, turning to his cohost, who had traded places with Mangaman for some reason. “Why is that, WP?” Megaman asked. “Alfred can’t regenerate. He can only pull himself together. But that takes a while.” Logic decided to keep this in mind as he dodged another attack from Alfred. All in all, the Ditto wasn’t that tough of an opponent. Logic was good at combat like this, flowing swiftly from one move to the next like a river of quicksilver. Not so with Alfred, who obviously had no experience with battle whatsoever, as his moves were clumsy and slow. It was fairly easy to get Alfred off guard, as well. Logic tossed him over his shoulder for what seemed like the fifth time in a row. Wisest Pikachu seemed to realize that Alfred was fighting a losing battle, and he stepped in. “Okay, no more Mr. Nice Author!” he declared boldly. “You’re nice?” interrupted Megaman from behind. In answer, WP screamed and arced a bolt of electricity at Megaman, who screamed just as loudly. Pretending nothing had happened, (although Megaman was still lying unconscious on the floor) Wisest Pikachu continued. “I call upon the power of the Cut command, Control-X!” he announced, waving his arms in the air. A dotted line appeared next to Logic. It was followed by another, and another, eventually forming a sort of cube around Logic. He reached out to touch one of the lines, and found that his hands passed right through it. Illusion, and not very impressive. “Ooh, a box! I’m so scared!” Logic said sarcastically. “You should be,” WP replied. “Cut!” Suddenly the lines shimmered and merged, forming a strange, swirling portal. Logic looked into it, and saw a great blue and black vortex. Spiraling around inside could be seen various pieces of junk, as well as a few creatures who looked as if they had seen better days. And the portal wasn’t through. Wind whipped around the laboratory, carrying rocks, various junk, and anything else that wasn’t tied down into the portal. Including Logic. The only thing he could do was to grab on to the very edge, trying to fight against the wind with all his strength. “Ha! Be sucked into your doom!” Wisest Pikachu cheered, gesturing at the portal. “There’s nothing you can do!” “NOOOOOO!” Logic screamed, still desperately maintaining his grip on the threshold ’s edge. “Come on, get sucked into your doom,” said WP, sounding a little impatient. “NO!” “Will you go already? Into the Doom! INTO THE DOOM!” Apparently no one had ever managed to resist Control-X before. Logic still was able to grip the gateway. “No!” Several hours passed like this, with Logic holding on for dear life and Wisest Pikachu, still in more or less the same pose, complaining about it. It actually wasn’t too tough to stay in this position, although getting all the way out of the portal was near impossible due to the rushing wind currents. WP seemed to be unaffected by them, which made sense, as he was their obvious origin. “Come on, please? With a cherry on top?” sighed the pokemorph. “No,” said Logic for the thousandth time. Finally, WP summoned up a small, grey-green robot to alleviate the boredom. Logic recognized it from his previous probing as Gir, a character from one of the Author’s favorite TV shows. Gir began running back and forth singing “Doomy doomy doomy doomy” over and over again. If Wisest Pikachu’s plan was to drive Logic crazy, then it was working. If only Logic could just reach WP and put a stop to all this…Then an idea hit him so suddenly he wondered why he hadn’t thought of it before. It was risky, but it might work. Logic moved one of his feet to grasp the portal’s edge. Wisest Pikachu seemed to notice this movement. “What are you doing?” he demanded. “You know you can’t escape that.” Logic let go of one edge, maintaining his grip only with the help of his foot. “See?” Wisest Pikachu continued. “You’re just falling deeper into your doom. You were better off earlier.” Logic ignored him and began stretching out one of his arms. “Hey, what are you doing? I told you it’s impossible,” WP insisted. Logic continued, despite the Author’s persistence. “No really, listen,” said Wisest Pikachu, starting to sweat. “If you grab me, something really bad will happen to you. So….stop trying to grab me. Please.” “Shut up,” yelled Logic. “I won’t fall for your stupid ploy. And Gir should shut up too,” he added, the moronic giggling burning into his brain. “I think he’s funny,” WP replied. “You think cheesecakes are funny,” said Logic, his eyes narrowing. “Heehee! Cheesecake!” “I like waffles!” said Gir happily. Logic grabbed Wisest Pikachu around the chest and lifted him into the air. Then he realized something. The portal was slowly closing around him. “What did I tell you?” said WP matter-of-factly. “My hand was keeping the portal open.” That at least explained why Wisest Pikachu had held that pose for so long. “Oh poo,” muttered Logic, his eye going wide as he felt that he was losing his grip. “Whee!” cheered Gir, who had finally started falling into the hole. “Portals are fun!” “At least I’ll take you with me!” shouted Logic desperately. By now, his extended arm was the only thing left outside the portal. But then there was a squeeze on his arm as the portal closed around it. “No, no, NO, NO!!” Logic screamed as the portal cut off his last hope of completing his mission. “Wheeeee!!” someone said, and Logic turned to find Gir floating beside him. Logic thought for a few seconds. He looked at his stubbed-off arm and thought of it, easily regenerated, but a reminder of how close he had come to victory. He thought about the barren wasteland he saw all around him. He thought of how he had blundered up his original mission, the one that he had always fought for, by a fatal miscalculation. He thought of how the original mistake had cost him his second mission, the only goal that illogicality had left to him. He thought of the fact that he was probably going to spend an eternity in here with this insane chortling robot. Fortunately, Gir was too busy giggling to hear what Logic said next.